Not even surprised

This post is probably going to pop up on Google for those people typing in search terms such as “dog ate chocolate,” “chocolate poisoning in dogs” and “oh my god why is my dog trying to kill himself by eating chocolate?”

Ivy and Milo recently ate a 5-pound batch of brownies. I'm not kidding - it was at least 5 pounds of German chocolate cake mix, 60 caramels, a can of condensed milk, an entire bag of chocolate chips, and a bag of coconut in an already-heavy glass pan. Actually, it was about as heavy as a large chicken, so maybe 8 pounds.

I would have taken a picture, but my mind was racing trying to figure out the best way to sweep up the tiny slivers of glass from the pan while simultaneously figuring out the mathematical equation for how much hydrogen peroxide to give a 160-pound-dog.

Trust me, I understand the perils of dogs ingesting chocolate. Which would explain the copious amounts of hydrogen peroxide we were pouring down their throats. One would think that by storing the brownies in the microwave that rests way above the stove, dogs would not be able to access said brownies. Wrong. Evidently these particular dogs have opposable thumbs.

It all worked out in the end, but I would highly recommend storing chocolate comestibles way out of the reach of 6-foot-tall dogs. Maybe try suspending them a few inches from the ceiling surrounded by elaborate booby traps. I'll let you know what I come up with.